Guest Post: She was in Prison
She lived in a beautiful house with her husband and family. Every day, she kept her house clean and cooked delicious meals. She baked bread and cookies. The smells wafted through her home, making it appear to be a happily lived in sanctuary.
She kissed her children often and told them she loved them. She hugged them and saw them off to school, waving as the bus pulled away from the driveway. Then she went back inside when she was alone and crumpled to the floor. She was in prison.
She felt the pain of the past, the let downs of her life. Her failures, her lost dreams, her wishes that seemed to have washed away with the rains of the seasons. Her nerves were frazzled. Her heart ached. She grasped for the knowledge of how to start over, for the energy to become who she seemed to be on the outside to transform her insides. But the knowledge eluded her. She was forever in prison.
Her children came home and gathered around the dinner table. Her husband sat on the couch and ate. She and her children talked. And laughed. They told her tales about their days. She smiled as she listened to them. She really loved them. Their cheerful voices and their exuberance brought life into her barren soul.
She truly cherished the moments she spent with her family. She went through the motions of each day, but at night’s end, as she crawled into bed, she cried. Desperation filled her. Though she lived a life that others wished for, she was in prison.
She was tormented by thoughts of overdosing. Of slitting her wrists with razors. She wished for her existence to be over, but she hung on for the love of her children.
Was it fate that kept her alive? Was it hope in things one day being different? She wasn’t sure. But she didn’t want to give up and leave a dark legacy for her children. So she continued on although she was in prison.
How many people live lives of quiet desperation? Lives filled with depression, PTSD, fear, addiction, physical pain and mental torture? There are many. Too many to count. They feel alone. They feel useless. They feel they can barely make it through another day, let alone another minute.
This blog is for those who are suffering. You are not alone. There are many who feel tortured, some of whom you would never guess. Keep hanging on and searching for the love to heal. Because it is there. And you can find it.
You don’t have to be in prison.
About the Book
Title: Breaking the Silence
Author: Diamante Lavendar
Genre: Women’s Fiction
Based on a true story, a new novel from Diamante Lavendar. Joan Eastman was born like any other girl. However her life would prove to be a life of great pain… Growing up, she was treated differently by family members, powerless to defend herself against their sexual and psychological abuse. Feeling she had been dealt a wicked hand by the “powers that be”, she spiraled into substance abuse and troubled relationships. She became a victim of addiction and self-hatred. Not giving up, she becomes aware of a greater spiritual being that protects her and she begins to heal. Then she finds herself pregnant. She learns to understand nothing is hopeless; that with a changed view and self discovery, there is real hope in every situation, no matter how difficult. As she and her husband look forward to the birth of their child, she writes in her diary as a way of expelling all of the evil memories. On bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy, she endures tests and tribulations that at first she couldn’t begin to understand. But no matter how high the hurdles in Joan’s life are, she doesn’t look back, and pulls the pieces of her life together…for herself and her unborn child. This inspirational story speaks of Joan’s gradual self acceptance and healing of her body, mind and spirit. It speaks of the possibilities of the future and the fulfillment of the dream of love and family. And it speaks of jumping the hurdles in life without looking back, no matter how high those hurdles may be
Diamante Lavendar has been in love with reading since she was a child. She spent many hours listening to her mother read to her when she was young. As she grew older, she enjoyed reading novels of all genres: horror, fantasy and some romance to name a few.
She began writing in college and published some poetry in anthologies over the years. After her kids were older, she wrote as a form of self expression and decided she wanted to share her stories with others.
Most of her writing is very personal and stems from her own experiences and those of her family and friends. She writes to encourage hope and possibility to those who read her stories.
Diamante believes that everyone should try to leave their own positive mark in the world, to make it a better place for all. Writing is the way that she is attempting to leave her mark—one story at a time.
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